Sunday, October 4, 2015

I Made It To Taper and I Quit Blogging

So..... we are now 21 days out from the Marine Corps Marathon 2015.  Actually since it is almost 10 pm it's less than that, but you know what I mean.

It's taper madness time!!!!

You know, I don't even remember where I left off with all this.  All I know is that I have not blogged in a long time and for many reasons.  Let me try to explain.

1. I started a new job.  This past week was actually my last week of training before I start my real shift and real duties on my own.  First off, I work for the government now.  Not going to say too much regarding which department and doing what given the circumstances, but it's a job that is very rewarding and also can be intense and stressful.  I go to bed at night KNOWING I've helped at least one person in a positive manner that day. My training schedule has been early daylight hours, which means to get up and run I've had to be out during the 4AM hour.  I'm really glad my training is over now and I go on my later shift because I have been DEAD TIRED.  Instead of turning on my computer and blogging at night I've just been crawling in bed with a cup of tea and zonking out.  Hopefully now I can regulate myself again and get some rest... at least I hope - I'm running a marathon in 3 weeks!

2.  We bought a house.  And we've been working on the house (it had more things that needed fixed than we originally planned on) and going from house to house and the schedules have just been wild.  This has also greatly contributed to my not having much energy for the interwebs these days.  I'm so thrilled to have a permanent city of Pittsburgh address again, though.  This time it IS permanent.  Well.. unless the kids grow up and decide to move off and we decide to say eff it and move to the Jersey shore or something.

3.  Blogging was starting to really eat at me.  I never got into blogging to "create a brand" or start a business or make money or get sponsors or be in some odd clique of online "experts".  I don't do linkups or product reviews (unless I buy something on a whim and want to let you know about it) or generic template posts.  I never wanted a format or a solid focus or whatever.  I know I've said this before but I started blogging when blogs were just pages of word vomit on the internet - way back in the early AOL days and beyond - pretty much opening your diary to the world.  It was never about advertisement or gathering groupies or making yourself out to be a know it all on a given topic.  Sometimes you'd find someone you jived with that had similar world views as you (like you both really love goth rock or Manic Panic) and you'd check in every now and again.  But that's it.  Yes, I'm showing my age but I don't care... In these modern days, blogging is just fucking weird and I was starting to get stressed about posting and sounding a certain way and being nice.  I was putting pressure on myself because of what other people think!  I'm sorry, that's fucked up.  The last thing I want to be in real life OR on the internet is fake.  I'm not cool with that even a little bit.  I'm a total WYSIWYG person and I really don't give a crap about what people think.  I swear a lot, I'm extremely judgmental when I feel the need, I'm cheap when I feel it's necessary (a lot), I know some shit and am a total dumbass about other stuff.  I love exercise and I love whiskey.  I hate fashion and branding but I'll always wear Oakleys and Doc Martens and Urban Decay makeup.  I'm not always nice.. in fact I can be quite venomous and mean and I am not someone you want to piss off.  If that's not good enough for today's hip and trendy blogging world, then fuck it.  I only wanted a place to log my fitness journey.  I can do that on Strava.

4.  In the same category, running specific social media was stressing me out.  I came to the realization lately while I've had other things to occupy myself other than obsess about running that wow... people really obsess about running!!  Like it's their job and they're headed to the Olympic trials and every decimal point of every gram of food or second of pace really means something.  And that's a big thing for me - people really obsess about PACE!  holy shit!  It was starting to stress me out and I was starting to over-analyze my training and I was starting to fall into some bad patterns.  I really have had to turn inward and "run my own race" even through my own training plan because I know myself and I will push myself until I literally break by obsessing.  One of my resolutions already for my next year of running/fitness is to not be so damned obsessive.  Running is not paying my bills!  It's a fucking hobby and what keeps my middle aged ass in shape!  I'm sure this energy is better used trying to make the world a better place somehow...

5.  This is the biggie.  I found out via the grapevine and my own personal observation that I have a nice little internet "fan"/stalker/creeper person.  What's really shitty is this person is someone who has quite an online presence.  I started noticing things on different areas of the internet some weeks back.  I'd post a workout, they'd post the same thing later that day or the next but they would be a second faster or a mile longer or 5 mins longer on their core work.  I thought it was weird at first but shook it off because come on, training plans can be fairly similar.  But it kept happening and kept getting weirder.  And if I would mention my run was rough, they would have the most awesome run ever or make other insinuations and jabs in my direction!  It started to become clear to me that they were forging ahead in some strange copycat/competition with me.  At first I just rolled my eyes, but then - after having it confirmed through someone else - I just got pissed.  Newsflash:  I don't run to impress people.  I don't care about your pace or mileage and you really shouldn't give a shit about mine.  I work my training plan for my goals and my happiness and I suggest everyone do the same.  I really don't get why anyone would try to make themselves feel better by being "better" than someone they never met before on the internet, who isn't even in the same racing categories as they are and who has vastly different goals.  Again, unless this is your full time job that supports your family... that's just... silly?  But, I'm not going to play along so I'm strongly considering privatizing everything from my blog to my Dailymile to everything else.  I've already locked up my Strava for the most part.

So other than that Ms. Lincoln, how was the play?  LOL

Well, my training has been AWESOME.  I finished up my second successful 20 miler yesterday in the pouring ass rain and wind.  I'm pretty confident I've got a good race ahead of me as long as I can keep myself healthy and injury free over the next 21 days.  But we'll see, right?  Also - a highlight of my training has been breaking some records (unofficially, of course)!  I bested my EQT 10 miler time during a tempo run.  Granted, I felt my pelvis break at exactly 6.67 miles of that race and went on to finish anyway but I've been wanting to kill that time for a while to prove those weren't my best running days totally gone to shit after the cycle of injury started.  I beat my time by a mere 20 seconds, but considering the fact that this run had a warmup and cooldown too and included the climb up Troy Hill Road at the end really made it great.  I really did flip my Garmin off when I saw my time and said "Fuck you EQT - fuck you!". Hey, I get a little nuts after a hard run before the sun comes up.

Oh, I think I've epically failed at the whole Racing Weight nutrition plan.  I still don't know how in the living hell to cram as many carbs as I'm "supposed to" in the course of a day down my throat.  Not without neglecting all other nutrients or without getting awfully bloated and shitty feeling.  I think I got it totally right on two whole random days.  Yes, I seem to have energy for miles and miles of running like that and that's awesome.  But I don't like eating like this or feeling like shit or having a bloated belly after even not being able to eat all that.  WTF?  It made me fall into bad eating habits (shovel those carbs in by eating crap!) and I just... no.  I'm not a fan.  In future training cycles I will go back to my old ways.  I'm glad I gave this a try but I just don't think it is my thing. And I do realize this is my issue, not the plan or Fitzgerald's or anything else. This plan just doesn't fit my life, my tastes, my family, my goals. I tell Nick all the time that after I cross the finish line in DC I'm going on a fucking meat bender.  I want meat and protein shakes and protein bars and cheese.. OMG I want a fuckton of cheese.  On the meat.  Maybe in the shakes.  I've made a cheesecake protein shake before and it was awesome.  OMG I want it so bad.  I'm so damned tired of carbs.  I never realized how low of a carb diet I usually eat until starting this plan.  I just want served a buffalo.  Thanks.

More about after the finish line:  Now I'm gonna knock on wood here because I still have to GET TO the finish line and then run 26.2 miles to cross the damn thing... but if all goes well and I make it through October in one piece I have my end of 2015/beginning of 2016 (realistically 2/3 of 2016) training calendar set.  I will be taking my running and fitness in another direction.  I want to overcome some things that are long overdue and I want to go on new adventures and try some new things.  At first glance it looks like the only repeat race I have on my schedule is Spring Thaw.  No, I am not even entertaining the notion of a Pittsburgh marathon weekend race.  I have another goal Spring race, but I'm not talking about it yet.  My goal is fun and challenging myself.

Well, that's all I've got this evening.  Don't know when I'll post again, but stay healthy, happy and free my friends!  Cheers!

Let the taper madness continue!

3 comments:

  1. First it's good to have you back on the blog again. Like you I don't try to blog a certain way, I like to do my own thing and say how j feel. I normally piss people off in the making but that is okay with me, I am just being myself. Congrats on the new house!!! Also congrats on a awesome training cycle. I can't wait to hear how your race goes. Sucks you had a creepster but look at this way, someone wishes they were you, lol

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  2. Welcome back, and I'm happy to see your honest, sometimes vulgar, posts :) I can see what you mean about being original and not becoming a "brand"...I think you're doing a great job of that and hope you start to post a bit more. I just like to see what you're up to and always laugh out loud when I read what you say. I know how stressful a new job and house can be though, so I don't blame you at all for stepping back. I'm trying to straddle the line between being myself and being unique and also getting some reviews/linkups. I hope I'm doing an OK job and I'm not one of those annoying blogs you mentioned. And what a weirdo stalker..who does that?! Stay in your own lane people!

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